Golf is a game in which you yell 'Fore!', shoot six, and write down five.

If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will.

Like what you do, if you don't like it, do something else.

If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' what is the opposite of 'progress'?

Retiring is just practicing up to be dead. That doesn’t take any practice.

Every pessimist who ever lived has been buried in an unmarked grave. Tomorrow has always been better than today, and it always will be.

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote.

Retiring is just practicing up to be dead. That doesn't take any practice.

I've never seen a monument erected to a pessimist.

In times like these, it is helpful to remember that there have always been times like these.